When we treat the most precious relationships in our lives with contempt, why would we treat the earth any differently?
Anthony Esolen at Touchstone Mag nails it:
In a sense, easy divorce is a function of the more general and heart-dampening transience. We don't tend the land with care; we treat animals as if they were no more than meat-making machines; we ship our children off to day-asylums and then to school, and when they are not at school we leave them in the care of Hollywood; we don't know our neighbors; and we, surprise, surprise, uphold no-fault divorce. That last is the stake in the community's heart. It is transience in the most intimate relation we know on earth. And we raise our children up for it: witness their "relationships," one after the other, ruin after ruin, or worse, lassitude of soul after lassitude of soul, and then they marry, and we expect them to live as if the vows they make really meant something.
Adam W. says:
That is the saddest picture I have ever seen :)
Eliza G. says:
When my parents married at age 19, it was for "time and all eternity". It has never occurred to me to attribute anything to their subsequent 25 years of misery except the psychotherapy bills amassed by their three offspring (I paid my share).
This article, however, has let me see that their commitment to those immutable vows is what made possible their larger pledge to the great and small parts of life where true meaning lies. Their respect for their children, their care in raising us, their support in all we did, their early concern for the environment - all was doubtless the result of knowing that they were holding fast to the promise they had made.
Except - that's not how it was. The grim reality of their lives rendered my parents sad, bitter and wounding to both themselves and their children. My sisters and I were raised in an environment where explosive anger was as likely to follow good news as bad, an A or a C, where every accomplishment was shredded before it had a chance to grow. Their compounded sense of opportunity wasted and lives thrown away poisoned our collective existence for more than 20 years.
My parents did eventually divorce and they each remarried. Their second marriages are both approaching 15 years, and my stepparents are my very good friends. My parents are different people, happy, relaxed, positive, good to be with. Did waiting 20 years help? It didn't help me or my sisters - and it certainly didn't help the earth.
Don Bosch says:
EG,
Thoughtful thoughts, my friend. My folks split up after 34 years. Like yours they seem to be very happy in their new marriages. Their divorce broke my heart, in hindsight now because my own wife and I have recently come back from the brink of divorce (lawyers, etc) to find a whole new level of intimacy and joy. Too many walk away from marriage because they see divorce, rather than personal transformation, as their only option. I say that with respect - everyone is different, and I doubt their decision was "easy."
By the way, many downplay "staying in the marriage for the kids." Looks like our parents made the tough decision to do that. Perhaps we can give them credit for avoiding a decade of shuttling us back and forth in our formative years.*
*[for more, see: http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn12990-for-the-environments-sake-dont-get-divorced.html ]
Eliza G. says:
Another interesting contrast -
My mother has apologized to each of her daughters for not having had the courage to leave her marriage. Her statement was as direct as it was simple - "I put my fear of being alone ahead of my children's well being". While I can completely understand how difficult that move would have been for her to make, I will always wish that she had found a way, for all of our sakes. Her own "personal transformation" clearly lay outside of her life with my father.
Sometimes putting the children first means staying in an unhappy marriage. Sometimes it means leaving it.
The flip side of no-fault divorce is NOT a happy family. It's not personal development. It's not a greener planet.
Richer lawyers?